The Tale of Two Arrows
A Buddhist tale and what we can learn from it!
There is a popular story in Buddhism — The Tale of Two Arrows. Once a man ventured into a forest and he was struck with an arrow of a Hunter. He was hurt in the arm and he started to bleed. The hunter panicked and ran away. The injured man looked around for help but there was no one to help him. He started worrying — Will I survive?; There has been so much blood loss, will I lose my arm?; How will my family survive after I die? and so on and so forth goes the story.
Well, did you notice the second arrow? No? — Well the first arrow was the real arrow shot by the Hunter and the second arrow was self-inflicted by the injured man through his worries. The pain from the first arrow is inevitable and inescapable but the pain and suffering from the second arrow is hugely conditional.
The thoughts and patterns that arose in his mind are uniquely his worries and concerns. I am not saying, he should have instead thought about his favourite snack or music — that would be a denial of the present reality. However, the worries are not based on facts but on “Could be’s” and “What if’s”, which unfortunately have no grounding in reality.
Imagine he finds his way back to the nearest village or town and gets treated for the injury successfully. He also probably gets a few stitches and is recommended rest for the next month — what happens to all the energy he wasted in the needless overthinking in the moment of crisis?
Sounds familiar? At least to me, it does! I am the person venturing out into forests and getting struck by these arrows from time to time and I fret and frown and worry and get tensed and worry again and then rest for a bit because I got tired of worrying and then worry again and then … You know the drill. But at the end of the day all my fears, worries and concerns turn out to be a false alarm.
Buddha says we cannot get rid of the First arrow, but we can control what we do with our second arrow. Our Second arrow is the response to the pain of the first arrow and in most cases, it is plain “RESISTANCE” to this pain. “ How can this happen to me?”, “What did I do to deserve this?”, “Why me?” so on and so forth. and this is the critical difference between PAIN and SUFFERING.
Pain is inevitable but suffering is a choice — is a popular quote but when applied, it becomes beautifully powerful.
Imagine you are travelling on a bus/train/metro and you have had a rough day at work and you hear an infant crying next to you. Now, this is a simple example of the first arrow — something undesirable and not in your control. However, what you do next is what determines how poorly or how well you suffer! You may get into that toxic loop in your head as to how the day just cannot get worse or you may offer your compassion and kindness to the parent struggling to calm the baby down.
Now, none of the above two options is easy, and both of them have a long-lasting impact, and this is where lies my argument. It is not because that the second option is easy, but that the second option is the right thing to do and you have done a huge favour not inflicting intentional pain upon yourself by allowing yourself to react to the situation. You gathered all the remaining will power or probably loaned into your future will power to truly perform that one act of kindness to ensure that you give yourself a chance to turn the day around.
Had you reacted and burst out on the struggling parent, you may have had the tiniest moment of victory in your head having taught a struggling parent an important lesson, but it would have worsened your mood for a far longer time and chances are once you calm down, you will be overwhelmed by guilt and self — hatred for being such a horrible human and so you get the point.
The difference lies in the level of “Resistance”. Do the resist/fight/deny/delay the reality or use all my energies to accept and acknowledge the reality and then act to the best of my ability as my values and beliefs permit. My values and my beliefs do not get a chance to express themselves as long as I continue to react mindlessly.
For me to truly respond, I need all my energy to pause the toxic resistance of the present moment trying to overpower me to ground. I need some more of that elusive nearly extinct energy to then build acceptance of the reality and then if at all any energy is left after the battle— act with kindness.
These tiny packets of self-control [or lack of ] are where we have the power to stop the second arrow from hitting us. Our days are so full of moments where we react instead of taking a moment to respond is why our life is so full of regrets.
So keep an eye out for the arrows. Know that the first arrow hits us way too often and we waste no time in inflicting pain upon us by striking the second arrow too. May we be explorers who carefully tread the jungles and when hit by the first arrow, carefully open the first aid kit — apply kindness, acceptance and compassion to the wound and move forward in our adventures. That is all we can do.
